Pink Rhodochrosite...

http://www.healing-crystals-for-you.com/pink-rhodochrosite.html
 Assists Deep Emotional Healing

Pink Rhodochrosite is a strong stone to aid emotional healing. It encourages you to feel love for yourself... and its energy will assist you in meditation, to reach a state of joy and sublime happiness

//I had no love for myself and NO Happiness .

you don't have a good opinion of yourself. It also enhances your courage to look at those things that you have been unable to face previously... so that you can make changes in your life.

it is a strong stone to heal you. It encourages you to forgive yourself... and to allow yourself to feel acceptance of your role in what happened to you.

God seem to talking to me .

³ It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; ⁴ that each of you should learn to control your own body^[a] in a way that is holy and honorable,⁵ not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; ⁶ and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister.^[b] The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. ⁷ For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. ⁸ Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit.

Finally I guess Jay was right over all...

I finally understand what is wrong with me .
I finally had no more feeling when I went out with him .
What am I doing ?
How come breaking dawn becomes like breaking hell?
There he was trying to hold my hands . There I feel a feeling that it is like ...so artificial . I dun feel Good . My whole body was trembling . I know it is trembling because of uncomfortable rather than feeling pleasant holding the hand of someone you really love.

I suddenly awaken by the sudden change of everything ......Suddenly I think maybe afterall ...

30 Days to HEALING BROKEN HEART

I decided to start myself oon 30 days to HEALING BROKEN HEARTED COMPLETELY .

Remember the word COMPLETELY .
I had friends around me like Xin Hui (Serene), Jay Chow , Samatha N Jolly , Gill , Church Sister Preacher Michelle and Yit Peng and also most important is myself I need walk past .
I think I owe them alot . I love it when Preacher Michelle give me a harsh dress down . Jay who told me it is emotional harazard . And Xin Hui( Serene) aka dear in my mobile . She reply my wat apps prompty and let the " wolf" know that I had a dear already .

Okay . First Thing first .....
Rearrange my finance . I am in hack broke becoz of my depression I overspent ....and then spend on future MONEY . Buying alot of heartbroken self improvement book , brought funny things like sharpener, SMIggle pens , eraser ...and nutrition vitamins . I want a complete change over . I splunge on make up and clothes. OKAY
FROM Today onward ....which 20th Of Nov ...Dont spending on future money . Maybe I will try doing a  part time job .

GET back to God ........
How .. I not sure . I had problem opening prayer to JESUS . I dont have this problem when I was faithful christian in my teens . I dont know how heading 35 , I am like going through a back sliding process . I cant open my mouth and tell God I need you desperately . I am in deep shit . I am falling short of your commandments , save me .....

Yes . That want I need to push myself to Go to church ....BUT I am really broke ..I am not POOR but broke ......and I had to ask from my parents money to top up my transportlink card . I hate beening in this situation . But I asked for it . The hospital bill are coming ......................

THIS SAturday ... I meeting Preach Michelle . michelle I really appreciate for giving me one to one personal guidance . Sometimes I felt that you are very HARSH ON ME . whenever you scold me. But I know it is good for me . You see me as a friend ..sister in christ ... And yours worlds stay ," DO YOU WANT TO GIVE YOURSELF HELPLESS TO WOLVES?"  What you want ?" Go steady with him be one year or two be his mistress , after he get sick of you . BYE BYE .

Yit peng too . She was very patient with me . She remember me in prayer for alot of ridculous stuff I given .  She become my wat app buddy . I worried I disturb them alot .

Samatha Goh n Jolly did a very good job of reminding me ....sending me powerful links  . Being the little 3 will not bring any good in my life ......
And people who tell me , OH SHIT ,XXX you forget . You volunteer in family centre before . YOU FORGOT how families are broken by mistress and then the desperate kids and wife kill themselves becoz of HUBBY Infidentily .
I guess ...........Jay Chow , U powerful .....I dun know I am glad that we are in the same boat ...Same boat ?What do I meant? It mean we are facing alot of difficulty and shit in my work .And we had to persist on . And thank for been there for me , even when your life suxz too much . You say it well when you say . Such a man doesnt deserve be a man .  remind me not to go back to XXXX . And remind me emotional harazrd in JOB .... Your wise words are sweet honey to me .


And Hui Xin .............You did the best ..You entertain my nonsense ...And You super patient with me ....Lend me all the resources you could provide .......Tell me it is not worth while to die for such man ....

Okay ... I didnt mention u here .. It is not I forgotten you all ..It is kept in my hearts ...Every single encouragements and words were God precious gift to me and healing balms to my broken apart soul ....

Here today should be day 1 towards closer to healing my broken heart and emptiness that had been living in me for 20 over years..................?

Superficial Feeling .

I read Elana Blog . I feel she had a way to write very well . I envy her words.
But me ,I feel superficial . I wonder why am I dieting right now ?
Because I want to slim back and have the confident me .
Isnt this world so superficial ? They will judge the book by its cover ?
I dun know why I feel everything so superficial lately . I miss him plenty alot . But I must be rational and this is not my style . I can let go of him peacefully and with love .

Lost for words

I feel terrible that I dun recieved his wat apps and also feel terrible i dun recieved his mushy letter . Maybe it is a transition which I couldnt accept it yet . I will get over it . Non Contact is good for all of us . Nomatter what people had a family , I shouldnt be intervene . It would make me into adultery . Who would trust a gal like me anymore . How can I be so selfish ? How I depise adultery and mistress . I should hold on to my principles and be me .

Pursuing A master

I google around website of Master in Information Technology , Peek on my best friend one .
But He said that Master in Information Technology is nomore.
I thinking of going into Master of counselling.  Why ?
Because I think I need alot of counselling .

 http://www.unisim.edu.sg/programmes/programme-details/Pages/Master-of-Counselling.aspx

Shit I miss him . Miss him very badly .

Forgive Gal , as Lord had forgiven u

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. ¹³ Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ¹⁴ And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.Colossians 3:12

I need to remember this and learn to forgive as Lord forgave me .
 

God providence

Ruth trusted God and followed Naomi’s instructions even though the ending was uncertain. We too can count on God to provide for us when life is unsure
 I need to trust God to provide when now my life is so unsure