Been christian and I had not been one

I didnt prepare for my aidas SUNDOWN . neither do I at mood to do anything . As There is funeral at my downstairs . It is a christian funeral. It remind me.It had been YEARS since I SAY GOODBYE To GOD ..And turn my head away from him . Didn't step into a church . Because There were having christian songs and Hymns been sang . Even in my dreams ,I dream of the funniest thing like having debate with a christian fellow.